If you are recently separated or divorced, you are likely still adjusting to what your “new normal” as a two-household family looks like. For many, figuring out how to create a holiday co-parenting arrangement may seem daunting and overwhelming – especially if your split has been less than amicable. Regardless of your current situation, the tips below can help you and your family enjoy the holiday season without added stress or confusion.
1) Plan In Advance
Whether there is a custody schedule already in place or you are still working towards an arrangement, there are always holiday details that need to be worked out in advance. Agreeing in advance about where and when the children will be exchanged can help avoid the headache that comes with trying to make last-minute arrangements. Ideally, co-parents should start having these conversations three to four weeks in advance so that everyone has enough time to respond and (hopefully) reach a mutual decision before the holiday arrives.
2) Create New Traditions
The best thing about holidays is there is no right or wrong way to celebrate! If you can no longer follow your old holiday traditions, use a split holiday schedule as an opportunity to create new ones. New holiday celebrations can add joy to the holiday in new and exciting ways. After all, holidays are about making memories with the ones we love, even if those memories don’t always look exactly how we expected them to. It reminds me of the story a friend once told me. After their divorce, they decided to start celebrating Thanksgiving on the Saturday before or after the holiday, depending on how the custody schedule fell. Eventually, even their extended family got on board with this idea and now, years later, they have a huge celebration on whichever day they designate as Thanksgiving. The intention is that everyone is together, not what day they eat their turkey. This is a great example of how, when you let go of old traditions that no longer suit you, you have room to create amazing new traditions in their place.
3) Two-Households, Two-Holidays
Some families choose to celebrate together even after separation and divorce. Other families may choose to split their time, alternating holidays. If you alternate holidays with your co-parent, remember that just because you may not be able to celebrate on the actual holiday doesn’t mean you cannot celebrate at all! This is where those new traditions we talked about come in. Refusing to celebrate a holiday just because it doesn’t fall on the day itself can breed resentment, and worse yet, it takes away from what is most important during separation and divorce – putting the children first. If your children are spending the holiday with their other parent this year, be respectful of the other parent’s holiday time just as you would expect them to be respectful of yours. Mutual respect of each other’s time with your children will help facilitate a stronger co-parenting relationship.
Remember What Matters. When the parade is over and the turkey is carved, your children will only remember the time spent with each of you, not which day you celebrated. Creating fun family memories is something we can all be grateful for. The holidays are a stressful time no matter your family situation – if you have questions about your current custody agreement an experienced family law attorney can help.
