Baby, it’s Cold Outside!

Has your spouse threatened to throw you out into the cold? Have they actually done it? If you find yourself out of your home trying to find comfort and shelter, or fear that you will find yourself in such a situation, follow the steps below and with any luck you will be warm and cozy before you know it!

Don’t go back and if you have to, don’t go back alone- If you have left the former marital residence, or been forced or tricked into leaving, don’t go back unless permitted to do so by the spouse that remained in the house. This does not mean you have given up your rights to the house; it’s just that trying to return uninvited may cause more trouble than it’s worth. If you do go back, even with the express consent of the other party, you may want to take a neutral person with you to prevent any fighting from occurring.
Do your budget- Ideally, you will have some idea of what type of budget you will have when you leave prior to actually leaving, but if you don’t, try to come up with one quickly. You may want to consult with a financial advisor or CPA to get some pointers on more than just the obvious expenses. Sure, you thought of the mortgage and utilities, but did you remember to include HOA dues and taxes?
Ask for support right away- Hoping that the other person will just do the right thing likely won’t get it you the support you may desperately need. Ask, in writing, for the support you have determined you need to meet your reasonable needs and expenses. The emphasis here is on reasonable. There may be several expenses it would be nice to include but may be impractical under the circumstances, at least at the outset of the case. This would be a great time to consult with an attorney. An attorney can give you guidance on what courts deem to be reasonable.
If you don’t get the support you need, file an action- Despite trying to be reasonable in your requests, the supporting spouse simply may not be willing to pay you support or pay the full amount you need. If that is the case, you should seriously consider filing a request with the court. If you wait too long, there may be unintended consequences to such a delay. Additionally, filing an action one day does not mean that it will be heard the very next day. You may have to wait weeks or even months to be heard.

As temperatures drop, emotions may rise, so keep a cool head, follow these guidelines and look forward to sunny days ahead!

Share this article

Written by

Penelope L. Hefner

Principal and Managing Attorney

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.” ~ William Faulkner Every day that I speak up for a client, every day that I teach parents how to better co-parent, every day that I convince the other side to do the right thing, I am making a difference to a family. To William Faulkner, I am changing the world. It may not make the nightly news; but for my clients, it is everything. I have always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I appreciate that life has some areas of gray, but there are some actions that I cannot and will not accept. If my client has been physically or emotionally harmed or if children are involved and being impacted negatively by the actions of the adults in their lives, I will not be a bystander. I have to act. Whether my client is in shock, angry or simply confused, I will do everything in my power to right the wrong. I want to help. I want to be the one my client relies on for understanding and support while I educate him or her about their case and their options. I want to advocate on his or her behalf for what is best for their circumstance. And, I give my clients hope. Yes, it may get worse before it gets better, but I want them to know they are going to be alright and that life after their family law case can be just as good, if not better. It is this innate desire to protect and support that led me to consider becoming an attorney early in my academic career. After graduating from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with degrees in English and Spanish, I moved immediately into the next phase of my life – law school. After clerking with a family law firm, I was able to see how family law worked in private practice…and I knew there was no going back. Family law was, and continues to be, my passion. When I meet with clients, they are not just another case to me. My clients are members of families, and often times those families are hurting. Making sure my clients have a good experience with my legal team and me is critical. Every client should be involved in their case- receiving regular updates, feeling comfortable to ask any questions, and knowing we are in their corner. My leadership statement is: “I challenge others to be better.” I do that with my team and with my clients. Not only am I there to provide support and empathy to my client, but I am also there to give sound advice and even constructive criticism. Everything I do and say is with the intention and goal of being that voice of honesty, truth and compassion. Together, my clients and I can change the world (or at least a pretty special piece of it)!

View full profile

Practice Areas

Family Law 18 services

Divorce Alimony Adoption

Estate Planning 9 services

Wills & Trusts Estate Administration Powers of Attorney

Talk to a real attorney, not a call center.

When you call Sodoma Law, you speak directly with a family law attorney, not an intake screener. The first conversation is always confidential.