The Adoption Rollercoaster

Karen and John* have just found out they have been selected by a birth mother to adopt. The process that led up to this moment has been both exciting and stressful. They worked closely with their adoption attorney through the highs and lows, and after a very demanding application process, and months of waiting, they finally got the good news. As family law attorneys, adoption is some of the most rewarding work we do because we are helping put families together. Karen sat down with Sodoma Law Union Principal and Attorney Penelope Hefner to talk more about their experience with adoption, and why she thinks having an attorney was crucial to their success.

Penelope: I know you are very excited, but I also know there must have been a lot of other emotions along the way. How did your attorney help prepare you to cope with the process?

Karen: The early stages of adoption come with a lot of uncertainty. Is this the right choice? How long will it take? Will someone pick us? It’s easy to quickly become overwhelmed because there is so much information to provide. Luckily, we had an amazing attorney who mentally prepared us for the road ahead. Although the wait is incredibly frustrating, having someone with experience to answer questions helped ease the stress and uncertainty. Honestly? I think I stressed the most about the photo book we had to prepare!

Penelope: What helped you cope with those emotions and frustrations?

Karen: Family and friends, for sure. Having our adoption attorney on call and knowing they were there to answer every legal question, and help us make the best decisions for our growing family, gave us more confidence in the process than we could have hoped for.

Penelope: What were your legal concerns?

Karen: The main thing on our minds, and probably most minds of anyone adopting, is wondering how final the process is. You don’t want to adopt and wonder if years down the road the birth parents may change their minds. You don’t want to worry that you will have issues with medical providers, or your child’s school. Our adoption attorney helped us put legal protections in place that gave us peace of mind about our future. Ultimately, our attorney reassured us that they were doing everything in their power to help us plan, and document, for a smooth adoption. The baby is due in December. Between now and then, we will meet with the birth mother, get updates on the pregnancy, and complete any additional paperwork with the help of our attorney.

Penelope: Any advice for other prospective parents in selecting an attorney?

Karen: Choose someone like Sodoma Law, PC who specializes in adoption law and understands the emotional and legal uncertainties that can accompany the process.

*Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

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Written by

Penelope L. Hefner

Principal and Managing Attorney

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.” ~ William Faulkner Every day that I speak up for a client, every day that I teach parents how to better co-parent, every day that I convince the other side to do the right thing, I am making a difference to a family. To William Faulkner, I am changing the world. It may not make the nightly news; but for my clients, it is everything. I have always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I appreciate that life has some areas of gray, but there are some actions that I cannot and will not accept. If my client has been physically or emotionally harmed or if children are involved and being impacted negatively by the actions of the adults in their lives, I will not be a bystander. I have to act. Whether my client is in shock, angry or simply confused, I will do everything in my power to right the wrong. I want to help. I want to be the one my client relies on for understanding and support while I educate him or her about their case and their options. I want to advocate on his or her behalf for what is best for their circumstance. And, I give my clients hope. Yes, it may get worse before it gets better, but I want them to know they are going to be alright and that life after their family law case can be just as good, if not better. It is this innate desire to protect and support that led me to consider becoming an attorney early in my academic career. After graduating from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with degrees in English and Spanish, I moved immediately into the next phase of my life – law school. After clerking with a family law firm, I was able to see how family law worked in private practice…and I knew there was no going back. Family law was, and continues to be, my passion. When I meet with clients, they are not just another case to me. My clients are members of families, and often times those families are hurting. Making sure my clients have a good experience with my legal team and me is critical. Every client should be involved in their case- receiving regular updates, feeling comfortable to ask any questions, and knowing we are in their corner. My leadership statement is: “I challenge others to be better.” I do that with my team and with my clients. Not only am I there to provide support and empathy to my client, but I am also there to give sound advice and even constructive criticism. Everything I do and say is with the intention and goal of being that voice of honesty, truth and compassion. Together, my clients and I can change the world (or at least a pretty special piece of it)!

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