By: Attorney Annelisse Velazquez-Fernandez
September is NICU Awareness Month—a time to recognize the thousands of babies who spend their first days, weeks, or months in a neonatal intensive care unit. No parent imagines spending the first weeks of their child’s life in a hospital, but for thousands of families, that is exactly the reality.
For any parent, having a baby in the NICU is an emotional and overwhelming experience. You are stepping into parenthood while simultaneously navigating hospital routines, medical updates, and the uncertainty of not knowing when your baby will finally come home. For parents who are separated, that experience can bring an entirely different layer of challenges—ones that are often invisible to those on the outside looking in.
When parents are no longer together, questions about a baby’s care and access can quickly become complicated. Who can visit? Can both parents receive updates from the medical team? What happens when there is a disagreement? And what if a custody order is already in place? The answers depend on a combination of the hospital’s policies, the parents’ legal status, and where applicable, the terms of any existing custody order.
Understanding Parental Rights
The instinctive answer to many of these questions may be: both parents have the right to be involved from day one. But what many parents overlook is that hospital policy also plays a significant role. NICUs often have specific rules governing visitation, identification requirements, and communication with family members. A hospital’s visitation policies and a parent’s legal custody rights are related—but they are not the same thing. When issues involving parentage, domestic violence, or other sensitive circumstances arise, the answers are rarely straightforward. For unmarried parents in particular, establishing legal parentage (through a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity or a court order) is often an important first step. Until parentage is legally established, a father’s rights to visitation and medical information may not be recognized by a hospital, regardless of his involvement in the child’s life.
The baby comes first. It really is that simple—even when everything else feels complicated.
If a disagreement does arise, it is important for both parents to understand their legal rights and the hospital’s policies, rather than assuming what the other parent can or cannot do.
Keeping Communication Open
Medical information is another area where separated parents often encounter friction. One parent may be spending more time at the hospital, receiving updates directly from doctors and nurses, while the other feels left out or uninformed.
Whenever possible, parents should establish a consistent and reliable way to share important updates about the baby’s care. Clear, respectful communication can go a long way in reducing misunderstandings and ensuring both parents stay meaningfully involved.
This same principle applies when the baby is preparing to come home. A parenting schedule that works well for an older child may not be appropriate for a newborn coming home from the NICU. The baby’s individual needs—including feeding schedules, medical appointments, and any ongoing care requirements—should be carefully considered when developing or modifying a parenting plan.
Of course, even with the best intentions, communication between separated parents doesn’t always go smoothly.
When Parents Cannot Agree
If parents cannot reach an agreement on visitation, medical information, decision-making, or parenting time, seeking legal guidance may become necessary.
It is worth noting that a NICU stay does not automatically alter a parent’s custody rights, nor does it automatically entitle one parent to more time with the baby. Each situation must be evaluated based on the child’s individual needs and each parent’s legal rights.
For separated parents, the goal should be to navigate this difficult season in a way that prioritizes the baby’s care and well-being, while also honoring each parent’s rights and responsibilities.
A NICU stay may be temporary, but the parenting relationship lasts a lifetime. Taking the time to understand your rights, communicate thoughtfully, and address disagreements with care can help lay the foundation for a healthier co-parenting relationship long after your baby comes home.
Above all, remember that you are not alone in this. From one NICU parent to another: it does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are facing legal challenges on top of everything else, let us carry that weight for you. You don’t have to navigate them alone. Our experienced family law attorneys are here to help you understand your rights, protect your relationship with your child, and handle the legal complexities, so you can stay focused on what matters most right now.