By: Attorney Annelisse Velazquez-Fernandez
One of the hardest conversations we have with clients sounds something like this: “They were never the one getting up in the middle of the night. They don’t know our child’s bedtime routine. I was at every doctor’s appointment, every school pickup, every sick day.” These are real sacrifices and they deserve to be acknowledged. As your attorneys, we will make sure your contributions are heard. But part of representing you well means having an honest conversation about what to expect, even when that conversation is uncomfortable.
Many parents come to us believing the other parent’s limited involvement will be the deciding factor in their case—that the history of bedtimes, school lunches, and late-night fevers will simply speak for itself. Sometimes it does. But often, it does not, at least not in the way parents expect.
Judges are not focused on scoring past performance. They are asking a different question: What arrangement best serves this child going forward? That distinction matters more than most people realize. A parent who has been less involved is not automatically disqualified from meaningful parenting time. Courts generally view parenting as a learned skill—one that grows through opportunity and experience, and the parent who has been less present may, in the court’s view, simply need the chance to step up.
That can feel deeply frustrating when you have been the one carrying most of the responsibility, and those feelings are completely understandable. But having a clear picture of this reality early on allows you to make better, more informed decisions throughout your case. It is also worth noting that your history is not irrelevant. When limited involvement is accompanied by neglect, substance abuse, domestic violence, or a demonstrated inability to meet a child’s needs, those facts carry real weight. Every case is unique, and we will always build the strongest possible presentation of the evidence that supports your position.
Think back to when you first became a parent. Did you instinctively know how to soothe a newborn at 3 a.m.? How to install a car seat correctly? How to stay calm through the first ear infection or allergic reaction? Most of us did not. We learned through sleepless nights, trial and error, and a great deal of figuring it out as we went. Courts recognize this. The parent with less hands-on experience today is not necessarily the parent they will be a year from now—and that understanding quietly shapes how judges think about parenting time, even when one parent has clearly carried more of the day-to-day load. In cases where the court needs more information to make that determination, a Guardian ad Litem may be appointed to represent the child’s interests, or a custody evaluation may be ordered to provide an independent assessment of each parent’s circumstances and the child’s needs.
We believe our clients are best served by honesty, even when the truth is hard to sit with. So here it is: if there are no significant safety concerns, you should be prepared for your child to spend substantial time with their other parent. In many cases (though every case is different), that may look something close to equal parenting time. That is not the court dismissing everything you have given. It reflects a well-established principle in family law—that children generally benefit from meaningful, ongoing relationships with both parents when it is safe and appropriate to provide them. Understanding that principle does not make the reality easier, but it does make the path forward clearer.
Once a parenting order is in place, the focus shifts—from who was the more involved parent before, to how both parents can raise this child well from two separate homes going forward. That transition takes time, but the sooner it begins, the smoother the path tends to be.
You don’t have to have a warm relationship with your co-parent. You simply need a workable one. Keeping communication respectful, focused on your child, and free of lingering grievances goes a long way, for everyone involved. And just as you grew into your role as a parent, the other parent may grow into theirs as well. Creating space for that, even when it’s difficult, is one of the most meaningful things you can do for your child’s future.
Long after the paperwork is signed, your child will carry impressions from this time—whether they felt caught in the middle or supported by both sides, whether they were free to love both parents without tension or guilt. Those impressions tend to stay with them.
We will advocate for you with dedication. We will present your evidence, protect your rights, and pursue outcomes that genuinely serve your child’s best interests. And that advocacy includes being honest with you—because part of our job is helping you leave this process not only with the best possible legal outcome, but with the clarity and grounding to build a good life after it.
Your relationship with the other parent may be ending. Your relationship as co-parents is only beginning. The more prepared you are for that chapter, the better—for you, and most importantly, for your child. If you are navigating a custody matter and want to understand what to expect, contact our team today. We are here to give you an honest picture of the process and advocate for you every step of the way.